Holiday Burnout as an AUDHDer: What It Looks Like, How to Cope, and How to Protect Your Peace (Without Setting Anything on Fire… Probably)
Ah yes, the holidays. That time of year when society collectively loses its mind and decides the only acceptable emotional state is festive. If you’re an AUDHDer, this expectation feels less like a celebration and more like a full-contact sport that no one warned you about.
Because let’s be honest: half of the “magic” of the season is actually just sensory chaos, unpredictable schedules, and people demanding togetherness as if it’s a moral obligation. Meanwhile, your nervous system is in the corner whispering, “We talked about this. We can’t do chaos.”
Holiday burnout doesn’t mean you’re grumpy. It doesn’t mean you’re antisocial. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean you’re “not trying hard enough.” It means you’re an AUDHDer in a world that treats the month of December like an endurance test.
Let’s talk about what’s actually happening—and how to survive it without sacrificing your sanity on the altar of tradition.
What Holiday Burnout Actually Looks Like
Your Sensory System Is Filing HR Complaints
The holidays come with a sensory buffet no one ordered:
– flashing lights
– loud music
– crowded stores
– scented candles aggressive enough to burn your nostrils off
– itchy clothing your family insists is “cute”
Your brain is trying to keep up but is basically waving a tiny white flag.
Social Fatigue That Hits Like a Bus
People suddenly want to chat. Everywhere. About everything. And they want you to have feelings about it.
Masking ramps up. Scripts run out. Someone brings up politics. Someone else brings up why you’re quiet. You mentally evaporate.
Shutdowns, Meltdowns, Irritability, or “Please Don’t Perceive Me Right Now”
You’re not “overreacting”—you’re overloaded. Your body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do under stress: protect you. It just doesn’t look cute in holiday photos.
Executive Dysfunction in Full Holiday Drag
Everyone else is out here joyfully baking cookies and wrapping presents.
Meanwhile you’re trying to remember where you put your keys. Or your wallet. Or your will to live.
Schedules change. Routines vanish. Your brain glitches like a 2010 smartphone trying to update.
A Deep, Physical Need for Predictability
The holiday season is one long routine disruption. If you’re an AUDHDer, that’s like pulling Jenga bricks out of your nervous system one by one and then acting shocked when the tower falls.
Coping (Real Coping — Not the “Just Relax!” Nonsense)
1. Treat Sensory Prep Like Mission Planning
Noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, comfortable clothes, stim toys, your favorite food: bring them. Every. Single. Time.
If someone has an opinion about it, congratulations to them. They can enjoy having the wrong opinion.
2. Schedule Recovery Time Like It’s Sacred (Because It Is)
Don’t book three gatherings in a row and then wonder why you're vibrating like you drank 14 espressos. Rest before. Rest after. Rest instead. Rest whenever you feel the internal Windows error sound.
3. Opt Out of Anything That Drains You
You don’t owe anyone your presence.
“Because it’s tradition” is not an obligation.
And if your presence is conditional on masking, performing, or suffering—decline the invitation with confidence.
4. Speak Your Boundaries Without Apologizing
You can absolutely say:
“I’ll be there for an hour.”
“I need a break.”
“I’m not doing a crowded mall.”
“That food texture is a no from me.”
You’re not difficult. You're just done participating in social gymnastics that benefit everyone except the person flipping through the air.
5. Build Yourself a Sensory Sanctuary
Make a space—at home, in the car, in your room—with things that regulate your nervous system. Weighted blanket, soft lighting, stim tools, comfort shows, snacks that don’t offend your mouth. This is your recharge station. Guard it.
6. Unmask Wherever You Safely Can
Stimming? Do it.
Silence? Allowed.
Saying “No thanks, I’m tired”? Encourage it.
Masking is exhausting under ordinary circumstances. During the holidays, it’s a one-way ticket to burnout.
How to Actually Find Joy (The Real Kind, Not the Forced Kind)
You’re not required to find joy in the same place as everyone else. Your joy might not look like Hallmark movies and Pinterest boards. It might look like:
– Feeling the warmth of a mug between your hands
– Watching the same comforting movie you’ve seen 200 times
– A quiet morning with no plans
– Organizing your holiday tasks into a spreadsheet (yes, this is joy for some of us)
– A single decoration because it's pretty and the rest of the house can stay undecorated
– Listening to exactly one holiday song on repeat
– Wrapping gifts in silence
– Sitting by a window and watching pretty lights in peace
AUDHDer joy tends to be sensory, specific, routine-based, or deeply special-interest flavored. And guess what? It’s valid. You don’t have to “make it bigger.” You don’t have to “get into the spirit.” You’re allowed to enjoy things quietly, intensely, differently.
Protecting Your Peace: Your Holiday Manifesto
Let’s be blunt:
You’re not here to perform normalcy. You’re here to live a life that doesn’t fry your nervous system.
This season, try these radical acts of self-respect:
Rest when you need to, even if the party’s still happening.
Leave events early without guilt.
Refuse anything that feels like sensory punishment.
Let yourself stim.
Create your own traditions—or ditch them entirely.
Simplify everything. If it doesn’t add to your life, it can go.
Your peace matters. Your needs matter. And anybody who makes you feel otherwise is welcome to enjoy the holidays without your sparkling, overstimulated presence.
A Final Note
Holiday burnout doesn’t happen because you’re fragile, rude, difficult, dramatic, or “not trying.” It happens because the world expects an AUDHDer people to bend ourselves into shapes we were never meant to fit.
So this year, try asking yourself one question:
What would the holidays look like if you didn’t force yourself to endure anything?
