Thanksgiving, Truth-Telling & Neurodivergent Boundaries: My Experience as an Indigenous Psychologist
Thanksgiving has always landed a little sideways for me.
Not because I hate gratitude, or mashed potatoes, spending time with chosen family, or cozy sweaters — I love all of those.
It’s the other stuff:
the historical amnesia, the forced cheerfulness, the “let’s all pretend this holiday isn’t rooted in genocide” vibe that makes my nervous system glitch like a Windows 95 error message.
And before I go any further:
I don't speak for all Indigenous people. This is simply my lived experience and where I personally land with navigating this holiday.
If you’ve ever wondered why Thanksgiving feels complicated… welcome. Pull up a chair. I’ll bring snacks.
🍂 The Thanksgiving Story I Was Taught vs. the One My Body Knew
Like most kids in the U.S., I got the whole “peaceful feast” narrative in school — construction paper hats, cartoon pilgrims, pretend pow-wows, and absolutely zero mention of colonization, land stealing, or violence.
Meanwhile, my body — my Chickasaw lineage, my sense of truth — knew that story was missing… almost everything.
As I learned more about my history, the contradiction became impossible to ignore.
Thanksgiving, for many Native peoples, isn’t a cozy, apolitical break. It can be a reminder of loss, survival, resilience, and the very real violence our ancestors endured. The echoes of historical and intergenerational trauma linger in our bones and our everyday lives.
And then there’s me at age 25, sitting in a family gratitude circle, someone saying, “I’m grateful for our country,” and my entire brain going:
“Okay but also the Pequot massacre happened and we’re still living in the aftermath of colonization and capitalism and did you all forget there are genocides happening around the world right now—”
Forks paused.
Someone coughed.
An aunt quietly checked the rolls in the oven.
And listen… I wasn’t trying to ruin anything.
I’m just allergic to pretending.
You can always count on me to spoil a blissfully ignorant “live, love, laugh” vibe at a family gathering.
🧠 My Neurodivergent Holiday Experience (or Why My Brain Won’t Play Along)
Being autistic + ADHD + values-driven is basically the holiday trifecta of intensity.
For me, gatherings feel like:
sensory overwhelm
unspoken social rules
pressure to be “festive”
expectation to mask
and a deep, ethical discomfort sitting through a sanitized historical narrative
My brain simply refuses to hold gratitude without also holding context.
And honestly, that’s not a flaw — it’s a feature.
My autistic pattern-recognition, my Chickasaw identity, and my training as a psychologist all converge in moments where people want to say, “Let’s focus on the positive” — as if the positive lives outside of the world we actually inhabit.
I don’t do “holiday amnesia.”
My nervous system physically cannot.
💛 What Gratitude Actually Looks Like for Me
I’m not anti-gratitude.
I’m anti-forced gratitude.
The “go around the table and say what you’re thankful for” thing?
Pure PDA-triggering chaos.
My brain hears it as a demand, not an invitation.
So here’s what gratitude looks like in my life:
I can love my family and skip gatherings that wreck my sensory system.
I can be thankful for community and acknowledge colonization.
I can celebrate abundance and name the cost of that abundance.
I can enjoy a cozy holiday on my own terms without pretending it’s historically neutral.
That’s not negativity.
That’s integrity.
🪶 How I Navigate Thanksgiving Now (Not Rules — Just What Works for Me)
These aren’t rules. They’re boundaries that help me stay regulated, honest, and connected:
I tell the truth when I have the bandwidth — gently, without self-abandonment.
I pair land acknowledgment with action, not aesthetics.
I plan for sensory overwhelm: time limits, quiet breaks, captions, exits.
I don’t force myself to mask or shrink to keep the peace.
I create rituals that actually feel grounding — resting, connecting with chosen family, advocating when needed and when I have energy..
And yes, I still occasionally derail gratitude circles with historical accuracy.
If that’s a problem for the room, the room can adjust.
My Thanksgiving, This Year
This year, I’m choosing:
to thank my body by not forcing it into sensory warfare
to thank my brain by listening the first time it says “enough”
to thank my community by showing up honestly, not performatively
I’m en route to a co-working week with two of my best friends. Last night (the Sunday before Thanksgiving) I had a quiet and connected evening with my partner (also native) and my mom at her condo. We did have mashed potatoes and pumpkin bars, which felt “festive,” but I did not sacrifice any of my energy for larger family gatherings that were not congruent to how I want to experience this holiday every year as a neurodivergent and native human. Later this week on the day of Thanksgiving, my friends and I agreed to have some mashed potatoes and take out, but otherwise wanting to treat Thanksgiving like every other day this year. Maybe with the yearly tradition of posting a picture to the gram of giving a middle finger to colonization. And maybe shop some Black Friday sales from BIPOC owned small businesses.
If you’re wondering how to show your support this week, there are some easy places to start. Naming the true history and giving corrections if any misinformation is shared at the dinner table, not tolerating racist jokes or micro-aggressions, supporting native-led movements year round, pairing land acknowledgments with real actions, donating to native organizations and supporting indigenous owned small businesses. Personally, my favorite indigenous owned business is Urban Native Era.
Wishing you a week rooted in truth, rest, and the kind of connection that doesn’t require you to shrink. May your mashed potatoes be at your preferred texture and consistency, your boundaries be firm, and your tolerance for bullshit remain at zero.
We are based in Los Angeles, which is on stolen Chumash and Gabrieleno Tongva land and Minneapolis, which is on stolen Wahpekute land. To donate and learn more, please visit https://www.gabrieleno-nsn.us/about and https://coastalbandofthechumashnation.weebly.com/ for California and some options for financial support of Native communities on Wahpekute land are here, here, here, here, here or here.
