Practicing Self-Compassion in Neuro-affirming Therapy: A Vital Tool for Neurodivergent Wellbeing
Disclaimers:
Land Acknowledgment: We live and work on the unseated territories of the Wahpekute and Chumash peoples, we pay respects to their elders past and present. We encourage folks to explore the ancestral lands they live and work on, and to learn about the Native communities that live there, the treaties that have been broken. If folks feel called, we encourage them to consider taking actions to support Native communities, reparations, and land back movements (see other resources at the end for more info).
A note on language: The language in the DSM, including the use of the word disorder (D in acronym), some find this harmful, while others prefer the language “disorder.” When this language is used, it is because, as mental health professionals, we need to use this same language when referring to “diagnoses” in the DSM. In addition some Autistics find the use of the level system helpful in identifying the level of support needed, while others view it as an overly simplistic way of defining something that’s fluid, and may feel it’s harmful and minimizing. The beauty is that each individual gets to choose what language feels validating and affirming to them. Inspired by Dr. Jennifer Mullan, we use the term, “therapy participant” rather than “client” or “patient,” as we work toward decolonizing therapy.
Educational Purposes: The information presented here is for educational purposes, and not meant to diagnose, treat or cure medical conditions or challenges, including neurodivergence (including mental health challenges), or physical health.
First: What Is Self-Compassion?
“(when) we learn to be a good friend to ourselves when we need it the most.”
Self-Compassion is about becoming our own inner ally, not our inner critic and instead of pushing through pain, invalidating ourselves, or holding ourselves to impossible standards, self-compassion invites us to pause, feel, and offer the same care we’d give to someone we deeply love.
The 3 Elements of Self-Compassion
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Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we fail, suffer, or feel inadequate—rather than ignoring our pain or criticizing ourselves.
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Recognizing that pain, imperfection, and struggle are part of being human. We are not alone in our experiences.
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Holding our thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness—observing what’s happening without judgment or avoidance.
In a neuro-affirming therapy space, these principles help create psychological safety for neurodivergent individuals—whether you're Autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, or diverge in another way. They may allow us to consider dropping the mask (when/if safe), unlearn internalized shame, and reconnect with ourselves in a gentle and accepting way.
Why Is Self-Compassion So Powerful for Neurodivergent People?
Due to living in a world not designed for our minds or needs, those of us that are neurodivergent often experience higher levels of:
self-criticism
social rejection
sensory overwhelm
trauma
Self-compassion becomes a counterbalance to this reality—a soft place to land amid chronic invalidation or burnout. Neurodivergent-affirming therapy can include practicing self-compassion.
The Positive Impact of Self-Compassion
When we begin practicing self-compassion, we may have the following impacts in our lives:
Acceptance of our disability/ties
Support boundary setting
Reduce burnout
Increase positive self-talk
Combat internalized ableism
Support our capacity to sit with difficult or painful emotions
Improve mental health
Decrease anxiety and depression
Increase our confidence
Support more authentic expression
“Self-compassion is not about being passive or indulgent—it’s about creating emotional scaffolding that supports healing, growth, and autonomy.”
In Fact, Research-Backs It’s Benefits!
Studies show that individuals who practice self-compassion:
Experience greater happiness, motivation, and life satisfaction (Yang, Zhang, & Kou, 2016).
Have stronger resilience during crises like chronic illness, academic setbacks, or divorce (Sotiropoulou, et al., 2023).
Are more likely to persist through failure and try again (Homan & Sirois, 2017)
Tend to be more supportive, forgiving, and empathetic in relationships (Neff, & Beretvas, 2013).
Show better physical health and are more likely to engage in self-care(Homan & Sirois, 2017).
Report lower levels of anxiety and depression (Han, & Kim, 2023).
Build healthier relationships and stronger emotional boundaries (Lathren, et al., 2021).
These outcomes are particularly impactful for ND individuals, who are often navigating additional layers of stress, sensitivity, and stigma.
Practicing Self-Compassion: How to begin?
It doesn't have to start big. In fact, for many neurodivergent people, starting small and neutral can be more accessible—especially if positivity feels forced or out of reach. Neutral affirmations can help you interrupt negative self-talk and bring you back to the present, without trying to fix or change anything. They’re grounding, simple, and judgment-free.
Here are a few to try:
I am here.
I am present.
I can feel my feet on the ground.
This is stress.
It’s okay to feel this way.
My feelings are valid.
I am not alone.
We all struggle sometimes.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
These affirmations offer you a place to pause and witness your experience—which, in itself, is a deeply compassionate act.
More Neurodivergent Self-Compassion Affirmations:
It’s okay if my brain and tasks don’t jive. I am allowed to do them in my own way, and my own time, even if that means outsourcing.
My sensory system is highly attuned to the world around me. I give myself permission to meet my sensory needs, as I feel safe to do so.
I am having a hard time with this.
It’s okay if verbal communication is inaccessible to me. I can communicate in other ways. It’s on society for making me feel less-than for the ways that I communicate.
I am doing the best I can. May I give myself the compassion I need and be kind to myself in this moment.
Feeling like it’s too much? Start With One Moment
Practicing self-compassion doesn’t require a complete mindset overhaul. It can begin with one small moment—right now.
📌 Pause.
📌 Take a breath.
📌 Offer yourself kindness
📌 Name your experience without judgment.
📌Recognize that others in the world suffer, just like you
You don’t need to “fix” yourself. You don’t need to be more like anyone else. You are worthy of compassion exactly as you are.
Are you ready to explore what self-compassion looks like for you?
If you’re interested in integrating self-compassion into your therapy journey, or just want to learn more about neuro-affirming care, we’re here to offer authentic, empowering and compassionate care.
Do you live on Wahpekute land? We are gathering interest for our group, “Oops: I did it Again: Baby, I’m Self-Toxic: A Self-Compassion Group,” fill out the interest form here!
🌿 Reach out today to learn more about our neurodivergent-affirming services, including neurodivergent-affirming therapy, and neurodivergent-affirming assessments.
Your healing doesn’t have to be harsh. It can be gentle, grounded, and guided by compassion.
REFERENCES Han, A., & Kim, T. H. (2023). Effects of Self-Compassion Interventions on Reducing Depressive Symptoms, Anxiety, and Stress: A Meta-Analysis. Mindfulness, 1–29. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-023-02148Homan KJ, Sirois FM. Self-compassion and physical health: Exploring the roles of perceived stress and health-promoting behaviors. Health Psychology Open. 2017;4(2). doi:10.1177/2055102917729542 Lathren, C. R., Rao, S. S., Park, J., & Bluth, K. (2021). Self-Compassion and Current Close Interpersonal Relationships: A Scoping Literature Review. Mindfulness, 12(5), 1078–1093. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-020-01566-5 Neff, K. D., & Beretvas, S. N. (2013). The Role of Self-Compassion in Romantic Relationships. Self and Identity, 12(1), 78–98.Sotiropoulou, K., Patitsa, C., Giannakouli, V., Galanakis, M., Koundourou, C., & Tsitsas, G. (2023). Self-Compassion as a Key Factor of Subjective Happiness and Psychological Well-Being among Greek Adults during COVID-19 Lockdowns. International journal of environmental research and public health, 20(15), 6464. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20156464Yang, Y., Zhang, M., & Kou, Y. (2016). Self-compassion and life satisfaction: The mediating role of hope. Personality and Individual Differences, 98, 91–95. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.03.086Land Map resource here. Land acknowledgement Resources: Support starts with educating yourself about history, and being willing to sit with uncomfortable truths. It can then include things like: learning about cultural appropriation, and commit to not engaging in and perpetuating cultural appropriation; committing to calling people in to conversations; educating others, honoring Native folks on holidays such as Indigenous People’s Day, considering the implications of celebrating holidays such as Thanksgiving, or the Fourth of July; making land acknowledgements, (to find out whose land you’re on, head here), having conversations with people about what you learn; financial support; uplifting and amplifying Native voices and stories; understanding and supporting Land Back efforts; researching and supporting Native causes, including supporting and advocating Native-led for legislation changes. Some options for financial support of Native communities on Wahpekute land are here, here, here, here, here or here; Chumash land here; National.